If you’d told me a few years ago that I’d be writing publicly about my adult ADHD diagnosis, I’d have laughed and probably changed the subject.

For so long, I thought there was just something wrong with me.
That everyone else had the manual for life and I was the only one who never got a copy.

I spent most of my adult life feeling too much or not enough, bouncing between overachieving, overthinking, and total exhaustion. And honestly, I was embarrassed to speak up. I didn’t want to be accused of jumping on the bandwagon.

But the truth is, late ADHD diagnosis in women is far more common than most people realise, and perimenopause can magnify it tenfold.

I’m sharing my story because if it helps even one woman feel less alone, it’s worth it.

The Symptoms I Didn’t Recognise as Adult ADHD

If you’d met me years ago, you’d have seen someone who looked pretty together.
I did well in school, I built a career, I kept life moving.

But behind it all, there was:

• Mood swings I couldn’t explain
• Rejection sensitivity so intense that a passing comment could ruin my week
• A brain that craved constant novelty and shut down if things felt repetitive
• Lists I never finished and plans I only tackled when a deadline was breathing down my neck
• Overstimulation that made me snap or shut down completely
• A motor that never switched off, even when I desperately needed rest
• An insatiable drive to overachieve because doing more felt easier than sitting still

When perimenopause crept in, it magnified everything. Memory issues, brain fog, mood swings, and the sense that my head was permanently full of static.

When I Finally Realised I Might Have ADHD

At 38, I listened to a podcast by Janet Murray who was diagnosed in her 50’s: How I Discovered I Have ADHD (And What I’m Doing About It), and every word felt like she was speaking directly to me.

My heart was in my throat.
I then spent weeks deep-diving into books, podcasts, and research papers.
And then, if I’m honest, I grieved.
I grieved for the younger version of me who spent decades feeling like she was failing at things everyone else found easy.

I remember thinking:
Why had this been so hard? Why does no one talk about this?

And yes, I was angry.
Because our world is only trained to spot ADHD in little boys who can’t sit still, and it overlooks a huge demographic – 51% of the population who are girls and women.

Women like me, who often have inattentive ADHD, which is quieter but just as impactful.

ADHD Explained Simply

If you’re not sure what ADHD actually is, here’s a simple explanation:

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how your brain processes information, regulates emotions, and manages attention.

There are three types:

Inattentive

Difficulty sustaining attention, staying organised, remembering details, and following through on tasks. This is my experience.

Hyperactive-Impulsive

Restlessness, excessive talking, impulsive decisions, difficulty sitting still.

Combined

A mix of inattentive and hyperactive symptoms.

The brain wiring is genuinely different – not broken, not lazy, not undisciplined. Just different.

It’s estimated that around 5% of adults have ADHD, though many never receive an ADHD diagnosis in their lifetime.

The Brilliance of the ADHD Brain

While ADHD has plenty of challenges, I’ve discovered it also comes with incredible strengths.

Many of the world’s most creative, determined, and visionary people are thought to have ADHD, including Richard Branson, Jamie Oliver, Simone Biles, Michael Phelps and Emma Watson,

And in my own life, I’ve realised I can:

• Generate endless ideas
• See connections others miss
• Hyperfocus and get huge amounts done when I’m engaged
• Show empathy and passion that runs deep

I’m learning to see these as my superpowers, not my flaws.

The Nightmare of ADHD Waiting Lists

Like many people in the UK, I did what you’re supposed to do:
I went to my GP.
I asked for help.
I was referred to the local NHS ADHD service.

And then I waited.

And waited.

Three years later, I was still no closer to an assessment or an official ADHD diagnosis.

That’s when I discovered something called Right to Choose.

What Is Right to Choose ADHD?

Right to Choose (RTC) is part of the NHS Choice Framework.

It allows you to access ADHD diagnosis and treatment through an NHS-funded provider—often with much shorter wait times.

Here’s what you need to know:

Referral Required

You still need your GP to agree and write the referral.

Choice of Provider

Once you have the referral, you can pick any approved clinic listed on the Right to Choose site.

Assessment and Treatment

RTC covers both diagnosis and, if the provider offers it, medication titration (figuring out the right medication and dose).

No Additional Cost

If the provider has an NHS contract, your assessment and treatment are fully funded.

Faster Access

After switching to RTC, I was assessed within three months.

My Personal Tips for Navigating ADHD Assessment

Be prepared to advocate for yourself. You need to explain clearly how your symptoms are affecting your daily life.

Consider perimenopause* too. ADHD symptoms can feel much worse during this time. If you haven’t already, speak to your GP about HRT, as this may help you while you wait for assessment.

You may need to be quite assertive. There’s still a stigma that if you’re in your early 40s, you can’t possibly be perimenopausal – which is simply not true. Research shows women with ADHD are often affected from their late 30s, which was my experience. Ask to see a female doctor or nurse if that feels more comfortable.

Check the clinic’s wait times. I chose Harrow Health because they had the shortest queue when I applied.

Here’s the website with all the details: Adult ADHD Assessment and Treatment | Harrow Health

Due to this increased demand, the current wait time for assessment is 4–6 months from the date your referral is received.

Resources That Helped Me Understand Adult ADHD

If you suspect this might be you, here are some resources that really helped me feel seen:

Book: ADHD is Awesome by Penn & Kim Holderness.

Podcast: ADHD for Smart Ass Women – Tracy Otsuka

These resources helped me feel like I wasn’t failing – I just had a brain that works differently.

What I Wish I’d Known

A diagnosis doesn’t change everything overnight.

But it gave me context, strategies, and self-compassion I didn’t know I was allowed to have.

It helped me stop feeling like I was broken and start understanding my brain instead.

If You’re Reading This

If any of this sounds familiar, please know you’re not alone.

I’m not a doctor, but I’m always happy to share what helped me feel less alone and finally get the support I needed.

If you’d like to chat about the process or you’re not sure where to start, drop me a message.

You are not broken. Your brain just works differently – and there is help and hope out there for you.

Extras:

To learn more about perimenopause – Read more of my perimenopause blogs.